PAS

Paula Day 2009

Eve and I went to visit Paula's grave this afternoon. Afterward, Eve asked me to post this note:

It has been five years since our Paula left us, and somehow I am thinking of the Wordswoth poem, "Five summers with the length of five long winters." And yet, how vividly she comes alive in my mind--that coy. sharp look, those beautiful eyes, the whimsical pins on her coat, that so-intelligent, tossed off comment. Sometimes, I see a woman who looks a bit like her, and I catch my breath.

How proud she would have been that her Kati can drive, lives independently, and is a U-M nursing student who will go to provide sanity and comfort to scared sick people.

Her loss continues to echo each day like a drumbeat, and how alive she still seems to those who loved her.

A few more photos

Kati went with me to the UP for Thanksgiving, and was inspired by Grandma Hilton's non-grated potato pancakes (made with mashed potatoes) to try them herself. She invited me over to dinner today to help her eat them, accompanied by the applesauce M/G/M made from Jim Livingston's apples; no photo of Kati, of course, but here we see the pancakes and applesauce:

Those sweethearts, M/G/M and Ann, sent this beautiful memorial bouquet to my office:

Moving back in time, I've been meaning to post this photo from October, showing the Rose of Sharon (hardy hibiscus) that I planted to replace Paula's blight-struck arbor vitae next to the garage. We were caretakers of Joe Borda's giant indoor hibiscus to several years in the 1970s, so despite her dislike of true roses, I'm hoping she'd approve. 

And finally, reaching way back, here's one of PAS herself at Wheeler Park. I found it in Letty Wickliffe's papers when I was searching for historic photos during the NENO fight last summer; I believe the occasion is one of the neighborhood picnics we held to scare away the drug dealers (not quite as crazy as it sounds). Judging from Kati's age in an accompanying shot, I'd say this was 1989 or 1990. She's not wearing her tabi socks, but it somehow reminds me of Paula and a friend's (Carey's?) delight in being "wabi sabi in our tabis." Looking up wabi sabi, I see it's more apropos than I realized. 

 

Kay Shanks: the Big Eight One

Today is Kathryn W. Shanks's eighty-first birthday. Sunday we drove up to Mason and went to Red Lobster with Kay, Patt, Bruce, and Erek. Photos are here.

Birthday Thoughts -- Eve

Today would have been our dear Paula's 56th birthday.  She was only a little older than I am, but wiser, in many ways.  Although I didn't go today, I will take a walk to the cemetery soon to put a flower on her idiosyncratic tombstone. 

Paula, I can still picture that shrewd look you gave me out of your lovely blue eyes, and see you finding pleasure in letting your little pet rats run up and down your arms.  (One person's pleasure is another's horror.)  Into the unknown that awaits us all I send you a birthday wish and my love. Eve

2007 in Review

It was a long year, but a good one. A few photographic highlights are here.

PD report

I shortchanged brunch prep by joining a Q curling trip on Saturday; the upside was a stop in Hamtramck for lunch at the Polish Village (beet soup in Paula's honor) and a coffee cake from the New Palace Bakery. I added some Zingerman's bagels and a fritata, the Diehls provided a sweet potato pie, and Eve brought a long-stemmed rose.

Madeline took Ed home before we headed up to Fairview. It turned out to be a providential delay--while we waited, what had been rain showers turned into a downpour. I was baffled until Madeline pointed out we could still go to Fairview, but drive. So that's what we did.

I cleared the leaves off the marker and we stood there briefly in what by then was a sleet storm. Otto was puzzled that we didn't stay longer, but it really was cold and wet--though of course the sleet stopped as soon as we were back in the car. Back home, instead of making floats, we microwaved the Vernors.

Paula Day Brunch

Paula always liked brunch, so I'll be hosting one for anyone who'd like to come by at noon on Sunday, December 2. Afterwards Otto and I will hike up to Fairview for a brief visit. Please join us if you can!

a regional national treasure - Jim Gibson

I know there is no excuse for my not keeping in touch all these years, but I just learned of Paula's death. I am so sorry that she is gone and even though we haven't been in contact for a long time, suddenly knowing that she isn't there makes me very sad. I thought of her as something like a regional national treasure. I just liked the idea of her being there in the Midwest, practicing her gentle brand of the intelligent good life, even if I never had a chance to visit. She was such a special person and my best memories of Ann Arbor, Vail House Coop and the U of M are all bound up with you and her.

Paula and you had an important influence on how I have tried to live my life, combining simple pleasures, humor and a kindness. I have thought of you two every time I have had a Vernor's ice cream float or baked bread on a dark winter night or made pizza from scratch with good friends. I remember the first day I met Paula. I was mad about an evil president and his awful war. Now I'm mad about a new evil president and a new awful war but at least I learned from you and Paula's example. You two helped to teach me that things go on and part of our job is to enjoy life despite the evil of the times. We all need to tell the truth and a few good jokes while we do what we can to make things right.

I remember Paula playing around with some rubber stamps the last time I visited you. I was fascinated and envious. I wanted to make things out of stamps too, and I wanted to have as much fun as Paula seemed to be having. Almost thirty years later I'm still trying to make things and still trying to have fun.

I hope your life is going well and you are surrounded by family and friends. I am sure there are many people who will remember you and Paula always, even if some of them live far far away and don't write very often.

Jim Gibson

P.S. If you have become a neocon, please disregard all of the nice things I said about you. The nice things I said about Paula still apply whatever her politics.

another Paula dream -- Tracy

MR colleague Tracy Bennett posts her own Paula dream on her blog: http://scrawlspace.livejournal.com/

There's definitely some Paula there, and some other elements too, I think. But it is true to life that in her last years PAS started using makeup to cover the wear and tear from years of ferocious acne.

I remember talking to Tracy when she was looking for a job years ago and sending her over to Paula--but until reading this post, I never realized I hadn't bothered to mention that we were married!

Sunset Hill -- Margaret S.

I thought of Paula while I was out walking this morning on Sunset hill, a very long, very steep climb. I think of her everytime I go up there. When I used to walk with Paula in the mornings, I couldn't bear the pain of that hill any longer than necessary. So I would stride up ahead of her to get it over with as fast I could, and then nearly pass out at the top. Paula, whose knees and breathing were always a challenge, took the steadier approach, walking slowly and evenly all the way up. I still don't know how she managed it. The climb today was tougher than ever! Of course I'm older now, but not much wiser, I guess.

But that's not why I wanted to post something. I wanted to share a dream I had recently. We were having dinner at the Shanks Hilton. I'm not sure who was there from my family, but Kate, Paula and John were there, and it was festive and relaxed. Paula chatted with us comfortably and seemed more relaxed and happy than ever. Only when I was about to leave did it hit me that Paula was gone - so how could she be at dinner? I said to John something like "how did you get Paula back?" And of course, as dreams do - it ended before the plot was resolved. No matter, it was nice to share dinner with Paula again.

Birthdays Party

Second time was the charm--the roads were clear and the dining fine at our slightly delayed February birthdays celebration.

Despite spending a week in the freezer, I believe the birthday cake was better than my photos. But until they perfect online eating, you'll just have to take my word for that.